You Drool On It, You Buy It
by Miasen
Summary: Sasuke thought working in a furniture store would save him from the worst idiots of the world of retail. He realises how wrong he was when he finds a blond man asleep in one of the beds in the showroom. This is turning out to be a really shitty evening. Is it not? AU, NaruSasu, drunkeness and awful flirting.


_Warnings: Swearing, awful flirting, drunk Naruto._

Sasuke was starting to seriously rethink his life choices. He had needed a job, and when he got hired by a furniture store he had figured that it would be better than say Walmart. _There can't be that many idiots in a furniture store_ , he'd foolishly thought.

Oh, the folly of youth. Idiots came aplenty to furniture stores as well, but this one was right among the top ones. Sasuke glared at the idiot in question, hands fisting by his side as he tried to calm himself, and only managing it by sheer force of will. He was a professional; he did not lose his temper, even if after a long day of stupid questions and people not wanting to pay what items actually cost he was exhausted.

The store had closed ten minutes ago. There had been plenty of announcements over the speakers, and every single customer had managed to make their way to the checkout to pay, and five past eleven pm he had closed the doors, still believing that the shift was done and he could head home.

No such luck.

Sasuke stalked through the mattress department, stopping right in front of one of their more luxurious king size options. Right in the middle, tucked underneath soft white sheets was the offender.

As if it wasn't enough that the guy had crawled into the bed and made himself comfortable for a nap, he had the audacity to not only snore loudly, but drool. Actually drool on the expensive Egyptian cotton sheets. Sasuke was seething, and he wanted to grab the man by a tuft of blond hair and throw his ass out of the store right this minute, but the man was technically still a customer, and Sasuke wasn't about to sacrifice his job that easily.

"Hey!" he called out instead. He was answered by a snort, and the man turned over, away from Sasuke. Sasuke had to check himself before he grabbed one of the pillows and hit the man over the head. Instead he reached over and grabbed his shoulder, giving it a firm shake.

There was another snort, and the man shrugged his shoulder only to keep on sleeping.

Sasuke had most definitely had enough. Customer or not, he was not about to spend his evening trying to wake this idiot tactfully. Instead he grabbed the back of his sweater and yanked him backwards until he toppled out of the bed with a yelp and flailing arms.

The man shook his head and looked up at Sasuke, eyes narrowed as he had the sheer nerve to glare at him, as if Sasuke had the one to do something wrong.

"What didya wake me for?" the man asked.

If Sasuke wasn't awarded employee of the month after not punching the man he was going to quit, because it was the hardest thing he had ever done. Instead he took a deep breath.

"Because you are asleep in a store, and we're closed," he said, and he was very aware of the cold venom running off his voice.

The man blinked and then looked around. Instead of being surprised he just shrugged. "So it appears."

Sasuke stared at him. He hadn't noticed at first, but the guy looked like a fucking idiot. He had lines drawn on his face with what appeared to be permanent marker, three on each side, like whiskers. From the smell that was wafting from the man it was clear he had been drinking, and he seemed to have a hard time focusing, so he was probably still completely smashed. Wonderful. Drunken frat boys were quite possibly Sasuke's least favourite things. He just hoped there weren't more of them hidden away in wardrobes or on couches, because he would singlehandedly have to castrate the lot of them for their trouble. It was late, and Sasuke had every intention of going home and relaxing, not deal with this.

"You need to go home now," he said.

The blond looked up at him, and as he moved to lean back against the side of the bed, arms behind his neck he gave a slow up and down of Sasuke's body that was very recognizable. The idiot had the nerve to blatantly check him out. Sasuke narrowed his eyes into a glare. It was a very effective glare. He had perfected it to the point where it scared off everyone.

"Why don't you just join me on the bed instead, cutie?" the blond said in what was probably supposed to sound like a sultry voice.

It did not have the intended effect on Sasuke.

Drunken frat boys were one thing, but drunken _flirty_ frat boys? No. No no no. Sasuke was not dealing with this shit. The guy didn't even have the common decency to look slightly embarrassed about the situation.

"Get out of the store, right this minute!" Sasuke yelled, his patience long since gone.

The blond's eyes narrowed, as if he was preparing to get angry, but then he started giggling.

"Oh em gee, you look just like one of those angry little animals when you're pissed off. A gerbil? No wait, a mouse? No! Whaddya call 'em, those little angry ones? Man, I just say this documentary on TV, and I swear…" The man's voice was slurred, and his comparison of Sasuke to angry animals was not helping his case in the slightest, but he was too stupid to realise it. Sasuke used the opportunity when the blond was preoccupied naming every rodent that wasn't lemmings to grab him by the front of his sweater and tug him to his feet.

The blond yelped as he was pulled off the floor, and barely got his feet under him before Sasuke started pushing him towards the exit with a hand on his neck, very ready to throw him out and be done with this nonsense by now.

"Mmm, that eager to get me home are ya," the blond slurred as he leaned on Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke only allowed him to because it seemed the best way to get him out of here as soon as possible. The guy would probably fall over if Sasuke let him go.

"I'm eager to get you out so I can go home," Sasuke said between gritted teeth, before adding, "Alone."

"Aww, why'd ya do this when you have Naruto Uzumaki right here to keep ya company?"

Sasuke had no need to get a name to go with the face, because he had no intention of ever seeing that face again. If this Naruto ever got anywhere near him later on he'd turn around and run the other way.

"Sasss'ke, don't be meaaan," Naruto moaned, putting more of his weight on Sasuke.

Sasuke snapped towards him. "How do you know my name?"

"'s right here," Naruto answered with a lazy grin as he poked Sasuke's chest, missing the name tag Sasuke had forgotten about completely, poking his sternum instead.

"Ya know S'ke, you are like really, really pretty," Naruto continued, throwing his arm around Sasuke's shoulders. Sasuke was about to throw him off, but this way they were moving forward rather efficiently, powering through the dining room department. He cursed the fact that the mattress department was right at the back of the store, because they still had quite a few departments to get through.

He really, really wished Karin hadn't left work early today. He could have pawned the drunkard off on her. Suigetsu was still around, but knowing him he was probably sitting in the backroom, watching the cameras and laughing himself silly. Sasuke was going to make him regret that later.

"I don't care that you aren't a girl, cuz I like both girls and boys," Naruto said, eyes closing as he grinned at him.

Sasuke didn't even bother containing his eye roll.

Things were going great, they were shuffling along, and Sasuke saw the end of his torture getting closer by the minute, but then Naruto suddenly froze.

"S'ke, I gotta barf," he stated, any flirtiness gone in an instant.

They were still a couple departments away from the exit, and Sasuke wasn't sure they'd reach it at this speed. He really didn't want to spend the rest of his night cleaning up puke from the carpeted floors, so when he realised they were right by the bathrooms he dragged Naruto along, and shoved him inside the men's room, slamming the door closed. He was not going to hold his hair back from his face when he threw up. He was on his own, and if he made a mess Sasuke was going to leave it and let someone else deal with it in the morning. At least it wouldn't ruin the carpets.

Time ticked past, and when five minutes had gone by and he still hadn't heard any sounds of someone throwing up Sasuke sighed and opened the door, half expecting to see Naruto drowned in the toilet bowl.

The blond was sitting with one arm over the toilet, fast asleep with his head against the wall.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Sasuke complained as he stalked over, grabbed Naruto by the shoulder and dragged him back to his feet.

"S'ke! I missed you!" Naruto exclaimed and clung to him, allowing himself to be dragged along.

How could the blond still be flirting with him? Did he have no social antennas? Did he just not realise that Sasuke was in no way interested in some drunken frat boy with whiskers drawn on his face and a strong arm wrapped around his neck? Sasuke didn't give a fuck if Naruto was attractive (he was, but he wasn't about to admit that to anyone, least of all himself), right now he was little else than a nuisance.

"Tch," Sasuke grumbled.

"Didya know you have a grade A ass? It kinda makes up for your grumpiness," Naruto said in what Sasuke thought was supposed to be a whisper. He could swear a drop of spit hit his neck, but he pointedly ignored it. He was probably stinking of beer by now anyways, so he would need a long warm shower when he came home.

"We should date. I wanna smooch you," Naruto said, and Sasuke gritted his teeth together. They were past the couches, so now he just needed to clear the register and he would be rid of this idiot.

"S'ke, why are you ignoring me? I'm adorable, don't ignore me!"

Naruto was anything but adorable. He was a pain in his ass, and in no way was that adorable. He didn't even bother to say anything, just held Naruto upright with an arm around his waist as he unlocked the front doors and manoeuvred Naruto outside.

When he turned towards Naruto he was met with a pout. Big blue eyes were staring at him with a hurt look, and his bottom lip was pushed out. "S'ke, you aren't going to leave me without a kiss are you?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke's answer was to turn around, lock the doors after himself and leave for the office, not even looking back once.

Suigetsu had rather predictably hidden in the backroom, " _doing inventory"_ , but the way he was struggling to hold back a laugh told Sasuke everything. He pushed past his co-worker, grabbed his coat and keys and shot a middle finger over his shoulder as he left through the back door. "You are cleaning up that bed tonight!" he called just as the door slammed shut.

He pulled on the coat as he walked around the building. His car was parked along the side of the store, but he took the other way around. He tried to tell himself he was not checking up on the blond idiot, but even he wasn't heartless enough to not make sure he wasn't sleeping on the sidewalk. It was cold enough that it would've been a shitty idea. If the idiot hadn't called for a friend or a taxi yet he'd just have to do it for him. Fucking conscience getting in the way.

Naruto was nowhere to be seen, and Sasuke was in no way disappointed when he realised this.

His mood was remarkably shitty as he got to his car and drove back home. Naruto had been nothing but a menace, and now he was thirty minutes later home than he had planned for, and he smelled like beer. He should just forget about Naruto altogether, and if he was being weird about the situation it was only because it had been a while since someone had been so blatantly flirting with him. People had kind of stopped doing that sometime in high school when he perfected his glare. Other people shrunk away from it, but Naruto had barely seemed to realise it was even there, calling him a rodent instead.

Idiot.

Sasuke wasn't sure who he was calling an idiot.

XXX

Sasuke finished filling in an order for a queen size mattress for the couple in front of him and sent them towards the register with their order confirmation in hand. It was getting close to eight pm, and his shift was drawing towards to its end for the day. It had been a remarkably uneventful day, at least compared to the shift yesterday. Luckily he wasn't closing today, so he wouldn't have to deal with drunken frat boys using the showroom as their own bedroom.

Sasuke made to walk towards the front to see that everything was okay with the new hire manning the registers when he saw someone saunter towards him, hands in pockets. He started walking towards them, intending to ask if they needed help.

The guy was wearing jeans and a baggy hoodie, black-rimmed glasses and a blue beanie, and only when he got closer did he realise just who he was walking towards. It was hard to mistake that blond tuft of hair peeking out of the front of the beanie. Oh hell no, Sasuke was not ready for this right now.

He turned around on his heel and immediately started walking back towards the offices, figuring he could hide in there.

A moment later he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he froze. Of course he wouldn't be able to escape; Naruto had definitely seen him when he walked towards him.

Sasuke turned around, arms crossed, glare firmly in place.

Naruto had the common decency to look embarrassed as he rubbed his neck and shot off a lopsided grin. There were still traces of marker on his cheeks, but they had faded. The idiot had probably scrubbed his cheeks raw trying to get rid of it. Served him right.

"I just wanted to apologise about yesterday," he said, looking up at Sasuke from behind his glasses. Somehow the black frames made his eyes appear even bluer than yesterday. "I may have been drunk."

"I could tell," Sasuke deadpanned.

"It was kind of a bet? My friend told me that I'd never dare to lie down until you closed, and then I kind of fell asleep, and they left me. You should've seen them laughing their asses off when they picked me up outside the store."

"Tch."

"Uhm, did I ruin anything? Like, I don't really have that much money, but I'd find a way to pay for it if I did."

"You drooled all over the sheets."

"Shit, I'll totally pay for them!" he exclaimed. Poor ignorant guy. This wasn't IKEA he had decided to take a nap in.

"They are our premium sheets. Imported from Italy. $640."

"But you said only the sheets, why would I have to pay for the entire bed?"

"No, no. The _sheets_ cost $640."

Naruto's eyes widened and his tan skin paled. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something, but he couldn't quite seem to find the right words apparently.

After watching the guy fret internally for a few long drawn moments Sasuke took pity on him. "I guess it's a good thing they were due to be changed for the new stock then."

Sasuke could see relief flood Naruto. "So I don't..?"

"Consider yourself lucky."

"I'm so, so sorry! I didn't ruin anything else then?"

"Just my night," Sasuke said, levelling a look of annoyance at Naruto who looked fittingly sheepish at that.

"I'm really sorry about that then. Can I make it up to you?"

"Not really no." Unless the idiot had access to a time machine it would be kind of impossible to give him back those thirty or so minutes. To be honest, his night hadn't been all that ruined, he'd gone home, eaten some and then watched a couple of episodes of some police procedural before going to bed. Same as he did most nights pretty much, apart from the whole throwing out Naruto business.

"Aw, come on. It's getting late; let me take you out for dinner or something!" Naruto beamed at him, looking positively gleeful at the idea of dinner with him.

"You really don't need to."

"But I wanna!"

"Tch, I thought I was grumpy, why would you want to eat dinner with me?"

Naruto's sheepishness faded for a mischievous look. "Because your grade A ass more than makes up for it."

Sasuke snorted, kind of surprised Naruto could actually remember everything he had said last night. "Sure that wasn't just your beer goggles?"

Naruto's eyes positively sparkled as he grabbed Sasuke by the shoulders and pushed him around until he could look at his ass. Sasuke protested and twisted back around.

"Well, I have my proper glasses on now, and it still looks grade A to me."

"And here I only thought you flirted because you were drunk off your ass."

"Nah, I flirted because you are really good looking."

"Isn't that a bit superficial?"

"Well, that's why you need to let me take you out so I can figure out if there's anything beyond good looks and grumpiness." Naruto actually winked. Sasuke should be offended that Naruto thought that was going to work on him.

"Idiot," Sasuke mumbled to himself, still not quite sure who the idiot really was.

"So, when are you done tonight, I'll treat you to dinner, because I kind of ruined your night and all, c'mon."

"Why should I let you ruin this night as well?"

"Come on, I'm delightful," Naruto said on a laugh. Sasuke noticed how Naruto's hand had never left his shoulder, and he hadn't really bothered to shrug it off either.

Shit, stupidity must be contagious, because he was finding himself thinking that maybe going out wouldn't be a completely idiotic idea.

Naruto took a step closer, and now he was crowding him, and usually Sasuke was really uncomfortable with that, but somehow now it wasn't all bad.

"Sas'ke, will you please go out with me?" Naruto asked again, and that pout from yesterday was suddenly back, and in no way did Sasuke find that to be endearing, and shit, he was really fucked wasn't he? He couldn't believe himself. It was clearly much too long since he had gone out with anyone, because he should not be finding himself wanting to spend more time with this idiot, but here he was, saying yes to the date, and Naruto was grinning at him, and it made him look so dazzlingly handsome Sasuke completely forgot why he wasn't supposed to go out with him.

"I'm probably going to want to kiss you tonight," Naruto said as they started walking towards the offices to fetch Sasuke's coat, shoulder against shoulder, and Sasuke thought that he was probably going to let him.

* * *

A/N: This is part of the Most Marvellous Advent Calendar of Geeky and Miasen. Which is basically TheGeekyLibrarian (on AO3) and me sending each other prompts every other day from December 1st to Christmas Eve and then writing them. Today's prompt to me was: "Person A works in a furniture store. As person A is closing up the store for the night, they find Person B, a customer, sleeping on one of the mattresses the store is selling. What happens next is up to yo. Bonus: This is how they first met."

Of course I'd make this NaruSasu, how could I not? XD This was a blast to write! :D


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